| so i deactivated my fb account just now. i can't take it anymore. i cant take HER anymore. i'm not a whining bitch i swear i'm not. i just realized that she's never going to go away, she's always going to be there. now and forever. and i'm never going to be ok with it. knowing this makes me extremely sad.
what should i do? where should i go for thanksgiving? should i even take marketing next semester? what about summer? should i even stay??
fuckkkkk this.
sometimes i get so so so sad that i just want to forget everything and start over. forget boston. this time i would probably try my chances on the west coast.
now back to the business plan and the never ending promo schedule..
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| i'm finally growing up. gotta...
take more chances
be more honest
appreciate more the simple things in everyday life
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| finance? marketing? operations???
oh i don't know what to do with my life..
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| sometimes i want to..
-buy a bike and cycle around commave next year, seriously haha
-roadtrip across the country with ppl i love during the summer time. i'd call shotgun of course
-jump onto the train track, and scream on the top of my lungs only if the track is clean aka no rats/mice around
-walk a dog only if i am not scare of dogs
-walk along the beach on a windy afternoon with him
-relearn the piano
-live in a house so i could have enough room to oil paint in the garage again
-play badmitten with dad
-sing. loudly
sometimes i think im too much like my mom, sometimes i think i can get better grades if i would just try harder, that i should worry more about my future, sometimes i think i'm always alone, that i'm not good enough for him, and that i regret too much. sometimes i wonder if i could also be as lucky as him. and when that day comes, i'll be the luckiest person.
but i guess i'm pretty content right now, just living life. so i'm gonna try harder and work on those so i can be more satisfied. afterall, no one wants hangout with someone whos always complaining about her life right? haha
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| perspectives change, priorities change. what was important to me last year means so little to me now. will i look back and think of the same of this year this time next year? i hope not. butttt i'm satisfied with everything i have right now, or so i remind myself constantly, so there's that.
end of school last year: parents picked me up, toured boston aka harvard for a day and half before heading off to ny. gotten into countless arguments with them along the way before finally arriving home. i remember being happy to leave school to go home
this year: convinced dad not to come because of the flu and also so i could stay an extra few days in 505, lost some of my innocence, packed all my stuff on my own. i did not want to leave this year.
i should probably get an ipod.  |
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